This is the first of my parties, from 1988.
The invitation (and outvitation) had quite a bit of text to it, which is repeated here. As are the Rules of the Party, the Questions of the Party and the Answers.
The invitation (and outvitation) had quite a bit of text to it, which is repeated here. As are the Rules of the Party, the Questions of the Party and the Answers.
RED ALERT!
SITUATION CRITICAL : 41 FINNISS STREET NEEDS A PARTY
The Following Experiment will be carried out on the 26th of March
Problem: 41 Finniss Street has had an over exposure of nerdness in the form of Ellwyn, and is manically depressed
Aim: To rid the house and it's contents of it's depression
Method: Have a huge party
Ingredients: Lots of people, including ...............
Drinks: Alcohol and softies: BYO
Food: Please bring a plate of something to eat
Other certain substances: if you must
Music: Bring your fav. tape, there may even be a live band
Acb INVITES YOU TO THIS PARTY
8PM UNTIL V. LATE SATURDAY 26TH MARCH
41 FINNISS STREET,
NORTH ADELAIDE.
BE THERE
...and then there was one. This will be party, a whole party and nothing but a party. All Chocolate Topping contained in it will be 100% pure with no Chocolate Topping substitute. All violence related to vanilla icecream is purely co-incidental. SO THERE! "They" are not in the bottom drawer and never have been. The world will not end on April 5th nor is there sliced ham in the fridge. 23 is more significant than 17. Sex will be permitted during the party except in those places where the red 'No Sex' signs are flashing. Please bring your own pencils and wipe up the lasagne afterwards. You may make only long distance phone calls. You must draw something on the lounge room wall. Yolande is a silly person, even if she has met John Swan. Despite rumours INXS will not be turning up to the party, nor will Mel & Kim. Kylie Minogue is not invited to the party, so please don't tell her about it. DOLLAR COINS WILL BE BANNED. All Nija Turles will be restricted to the kitchen and must not escape via the chimney. SSB Advertising is not sponsoring this party. There will be two copies of the Doctor Who A-Z illustrated at the party, no reindeers in the backyard and people over 21 can look into the roof space, if they want. The Queen of Hearts is missing from the pack of cards in Acb's room. But there is an extra Eight of Clubs to make up for this.
SITUATION CRITICAL : 41 FINNISS STREET NEEDS A PARTY
The Following Experiment will be carried out on the 26th of March
Problem: 41 Finniss Street has had an over exposure of nerdness in the form of Ellwyn, and is manically depressed
Aim: To rid the house and it's contents of it's depression
Method: Have a huge party
Ingredients: Lots of people, including ...............
Drinks: Alcohol and softies: BYO
Food: Please bring a plate of something to eat
Other certain substances: if you must
Music: Bring your fav. tape, there may even be a live band
Acb INVITES YOU TO THIS PARTY
8PM UNTIL V. LATE SATURDAY 26TH MARCH
41 FINNISS STREET,
NORTH ADELAIDE.
BE THERE
...and then there was one. This will be party, a whole party and nothing but a party. All Chocolate Topping contained in it will be 100% pure with no Chocolate Topping substitute. All violence related to vanilla icecream is purely co-incidental. SO THERE! "They" are not in the bottom drawer and never have been. The world will not end on April 5th nor is there sliced ham in the fridge. 23 is more significant than 17. Sex will be permitted during the party except in those places where the red 'No Sex' signs are flashing. Please bring your own pencils and wipe up the lasagne afterwards. You may make only long distance phone calls. You must draw something on the lounge room wall. Yolande is a silly person, even if she has met John Swan. Despite rumours INXS will not be turning up to the party, nor will Mel & Kim. Kylie Minogue is not invited to the party, so please don't tell her about it. DOLLAR COINS WILL BE BANNED. All Nija Turles will be restricted to the kitchen and must not escape via the chimney. SSB Advertising is not sponsoring this party. There will be two copies of the Doctor Who A-Z illustrated at the party, no reindeers in the backyard and people over 21 can look into the roof space, if they want. The Queen of Hearts is missing from the pack of cards in Acb's room. But there is an extra Eight of Clubs to make up for this.
(posted on the wall at the party)
- You must draw something on the lounge room wall
- You must answer all questions pinned up on walls in other rooms
- You must be either:
- silly
- drunk
- stoned
- All of the above (preferable)
- You must not be:
- Ellwyn Renton
- Richard Harris
- Alan Hosie
- Anthony Veen
- Any of the above
- You must be a sleaze for a period of at least one minute during the party (preferably longer)
- There is NO rule 6
- NO POOFTAS*
* this does not mean no gays, it just means you can't call them POOFTAS - Any person found "singing in tune"** will be fed alcohol until this situation is rectified or until they fall down*
* applied only after 10pm
** "singing in tune" is determined by people who have already had rule 8 appled to them - The host, Acb, must be hugged on demand. He may demand you hug him, you demand you hug him, or someone completely different may demand you hug him. Limit 5 hugs/person*
* this limit may be ignored if you are cute - 1/2 price entry after midnight
- No sex where the red "No Sex" signs are flashing
- Consumption of DOLLAR COINS is forbidden
- The SCA is banned
- This last rule is rule 14
What is your name?
(Pretty simple concept, really)
How will you change my life this year?
WHY?
HOW?
WHERE?
WHO?
Why are you here
(& do you know where here is)?
What do you have to confess?
Why is everyone wearing a price tag?
NO ALERT
SITUATION NORMAL : 41 FINNISS STREET HAS HAD A PARTY
The Following Rules Were In Affect At The Party
Rule 1: You must draw something on the lounge room wall
Rule 2: You must answer all questions pinned up on walls in other rooms
Rule 3: You must be either ... b) drunk...
Rule 9: The host, Acb, must be hugged on demand. Limit of 5 hugs per person
Rule 11: No sex where the red 'No Sex' signs are flashing
Rule 14: The last rule is rule 14
Acb OUTVITES YOU TO THIS PARTY
3AM IS WHEN IT ALL FINISHED
41 FINNISS STREET,
NORTH ADELAIDE.
SO THERE
...and then there were lots.
Rule 1 was adhered to most strictly and now it is rather hard to find a clear space on the lounge room wall. Rule 3b was also met with popularity and ended up with one person suffering the effects of it in the gutter. Rule 9 was met with mixed feelings with only Yolande exceeding the limit. There was a particularly reluctant hairdresser who eneded up disobeying this rule. As to rule 11 the sign was eventually pulled down. Rule 2 was also popular with the results as follows...
SITUATION NORMAL : 41 FINNISS STREET HAS HAD A PARTY
The Following Rules Were In Affect At The Party
Rule 1: You must draw something on the lounge room wall
Rule 2: You must answer all questions pinned up on walls in other rooms
Rule 3: You must be either ... b) drunk...
Rule 9: The host, Acb, must be hugged on demand. Limit of 5 hugs per person
Rule 11: No sex where the red 'No Sex' signs are flashing
Rule 14: The last rule is rule 14
Acb OUTVITES YOU TO THIS PARTY
3AM IS WHEN IT ALL FINISHED
41 FINNISS STREET,
NORTH ADELAIDE.
SO THERE
...and then there were lots.
Rule 1 was adhered to most strictly and now it is rather hard to find a clear space on the lounge room wall. Rule 3b was also met with popularity and ended up with one person suffering the effects of it in the gutter. Rule 9 was met with mixed feelings with only Yolande exceeding the limit. There was a particularly reluctant hairdresser who eneded up disobeying this rule. As to rule 11 the sign was eventually pulled down. Rule 2 was also popular with the results as follows...
What is your Name (Pretty simple concept really)?
Adah Batman Thyi Virgil Machelle As plundled gamble blochits on a turgid bee! Well, look, I've been having this little problem with my memory lately, so I'll get back to you on that one, O.K.? It's too complicated to explain X Boyd (PS Work name or real name?) Read the other Questions first. And the nametag. Guess! So there! Nyaahh!!
How will you change my life this year?
Or does a bear shit in the woods? I will wear black (you can work out why) I'm good to end yours Yes But only on Peter Rabbit! Life, Don't talk to me about Life! Wouldn't have a clue, but the bear may shit anywhere it likes! Thats 4 me to know & 4 you to find out! Very slowly I hope to shoot you – and yes, so far as I know (Assuming Acb wrote the question ????? Why do you think I would want to change your life? Perhaps you don't need to change. However if you wish to change that's fine, but I would never impose change on you it must be a genuine conversion of purpose to change welling up from the very pit of you stomach not a direction from the head – yours or mine. Not greatly, but the though is there! Only in the summer Maybe you'll become alive d) all of the above We will get you the opposite sex, thats how Come into Hair Craft International all welcome so I can cut your hair, but I can't cut hair, some get very fucked! Set you alight!
WHY?
Why not? Because I said so! Because I wanted to Because it's there Because I'm horny Do you need a reason. Because, all things being in their proper place, these things should be in their proper place as often as possible Pure lust Because my hairdressers told me to! (Who Tarkwin?) Yes & Simon For purely aesthetic reasons Because IT's there! It's one of the better cures for boredom! Exercise! I've got to do do something between the end of the movie and getting home! It's in the nature of the beast Because I want to Because my bed is large and cold For the absolute ecstasy of it... ah... No, it doesn't fit... Why?... 42... see! Now that's a question I never thought of. It's fun! That's not good, they're allowed to. Because we were dragged here!! Sensei splinter commands it because the gods demand it
HOW?
However possible I've already told you how you newt! In the only way possible, with crampons Haven't you read the rules? If you don't know, I won't tell you. Violently The usual way, I'm not all that kinky Rear Entry Very, very fast (321 kph) However... Inverted. Anyway you can get it. Not in the driver's seat (it's broken) Very violently Don't you know With anything available Long distance Grab a nubile young woman and... Very, very violently As best I can Now brown cow Inverted Depends who it with By car, and our so called friends. Nunchaku, bo, Daisho & sai Virgin sacrifice
WHERE?
Anywhere Sigh!! Where the inspiration took me Above 10,000 feet. Anywhere with this house somewhere comfortable Not in here, that's for sure! Your place – I live with my parents. Living-romm floor Any long road (windy!) Here (Turn the light off) In the toilet – you can clean up quicker She says it all Who says there should be a place! In the head As I said before Under the stars, so long as there's no one looking Is the fishy, fishy, fish? Is it in the cupboard? It's difficult to tell when you're inverted. Wherever. Where is a place called home but not here! Any rooftops On an ebony altar
WHO?
Anybody! Me, myself and I (with a few close friends for moral support.) With a competant scubadiver. Anyone who's read the rules Only those with perfect taste Whoever I can get – who fits "why" criteria, of course, I'm not ready. Mr Right (sexist bitch!) I am bound by policy to conceal the names of my clients. Banzai runners Some tall dark Hangsome ... as well as *Sean* Anybody else? It's a pity John Holmes is Dead Elwyn KLH Mr Boyd, my year 9 math teacher... no.. that was just a fantasy... What about the real Boyd? Ready when U are... Read the price tag Do you imply someone is not to define some is isn't this discrimination on a cosmic scale? Me, who else? Anyone female & <26 & >12 Any male who resembles Timothy Dalton & Roger Moore all at once 007 I'm licenced to... Who... Doctor Who. Do you need anyone else? Whoever needs it. Grant & Tracy that's who!! Anarkello teenage mutant ninja turtle Any Virgin (they're hard to find)
Why are you here (& do you know where here is)?
I want to know why everyone is wearing price tags. It depends upon you definition of is here here or is here there or is here everywhere? Because the people at No. 14 said "Acb doesn't live here, he hasn't arrived yet, and we're not throwing a party!" It's all a big mistake, I plead guilty, no, I plead insanity. Well, truth is, I didn't have much say in the matter... you see, about 20 yrs ago these two people got together, like, and... Because Acb invited me Part 2 – here is where everything else is not & I know it because I am not where everything else is therefore I must be here. I know therefore it is here. Part 1 – I am here because I am not anywhere else Booze – (It's in the bath) Sex Aid! (Your guess is as good as mine) Isn't this the Heart of Gold, and who's that person with two heads? Zaphod Beeblebrox or am I out of focus. (No, He is just a Story) Sensei Splinter commands it
What do you have to confess?
I masturbate (that's typical) I eat bananas (& suck them) I love men!! Me too Oh! Everything, But can you get it out of me? Two emus, a dog and a small army... Life, Don't talk to me about life My Innocence You're not my priest Two budgies, a rat, and a priest. I was the emu! I plead the fifth. Nothing. Why? How long do you have to listen? I am still virgin (sob!!) (I'd believe anything) Gross decency Why should I confess when all those people before had such fascinating things to say... All of the above. heh heh heh... I drew on the lounge room wall (even though it doesn't have a lounge in it) Nothing – confession is voluntary!
Why is everyone wearing a price tag?
Life is cheap! Why not? To prove we're not all cheap! Ted Hughes is a bad poet! He called Sylvia plath 'Cos everybody has a price – the problem is 1) Can you discover it, 2) Can you afford it!!? Life, Don't talk to me about life! I want a discount You got it!! Life is funny like that. I'm priceless How about you? Power Advertising – So everyone know who I am, what I am and whether they can afford IT. Cos Carol said to who would cross her, eh? The same reason helicopters aren't always brown. Someone thought we were worth something Cadavar Identification (severe Inflation?) So we can over-rate ourselves with inflated prices Everyone gets to name their own price Because this is a nice party! Everyone!! I can only answer for myself do you want to know why I am wearing a price tag? Pay the price and find out. I don't know To see who is a capitalist PIG Kenton thus sez
Adah Batman Thyi Virgil Machelle As plundled gamble blochits on a turgid bee! Well, look, I've been having this little problem with my memory lately, so I'll get back to you on that one, O.K.? It's too complicated to explain X Boyd (PS Work name or real name?) Read the other Questions first. And the nametag. Guess! So there! Nyaahh!!
How will you change my life this year?
Or does a bear shit in the woods? I will wear black (you can work out why) I'm good to end yours Yes But only on Peter Rabbit! Life, Don't talk to me about Life! Wouldn't have a clue, but the bear may shit anywhere it likes! Thats 4 me to know & 4 you to find out! Very slowly I hope to shoot you – and yes, so far as I know (Assuming Acb wrote the question ????? Why do you think I would want to change your life? Perhaps you don't need to change. However if you wish to change that's fine, but I would never impose change on you it must be a genuine conversion of purpose to change welling up from the very pit of you stomach not a direction from the head – yours or mine. Not greatly, but the though is there! Only in the summer Maybe you'll become alive d) all of the above We will get you the opposite sex, thats how Come into Hair Craft International all welcome so I can cut your hair, but I can't cut hair, some get very fucked! Set you alight!
WHY?
Why not? Because I said so! Because I wanted to Because it's there Because I'm horny Do you need a reason. Because, all things being in their proper place, these things should be in their proper place as often as possible Pure lust Because my hairdressers told me to! (Who Tarkwin?) Yes & Simon For purely aesthetic reasons Because IT's there! It's one of the better cures for boredom! Exercise! I've got to do do something between the end of the movie and getting home! It's in the nature of the beast Because I want to Because my bed is large and cold For the absolute ecstasy of it... ah... No, it doesn't fit... Why?... 42... see! Now that's a question I never thought of. It's fun! That's not good, they're allowed to. Because we were dragged here!! Sensei splinter commands it because the gods demand it
HOW?
However possible I've already told you how you newt! In the only way possible, with crampons Haven't you read the rules? If you don't know, I won't tell you. Violently The usual way, I'm not all that kinky Rear Entry Very, very fast (321 kph) However... Inverted. Anyway you can get it. Not in the driver's seat (it's broken) Very violently Don't you know With anything available Long distance Grab a nubile young woman and... Very, very violently As best I can Now brown cow Inverted Depends who it with By car, and our so called friends. Nunchaku, bo, Daisho & sai Virgin sacrifice
WHERE?
Anywhere Sigh!! Where the inspiration took me Above 10,000 feet. Anywhere with this house somewhere comfortable Not in here, that's for sure! Your place – I live with my parents. Living-romm floor Any long road (windy!) Here (Turn the light off) In the toilet – you can clean up quicker She says it all Who says there should be a place! In the head As I said before Under the stars, so long as there's no one looking Is the fishy, fishy, fish? Is it in the cupboard? It's difficult to tell when you're inverted. Wherever. Where is a place called home but not here! Any rooftops On an ebony altar
WHO?
Anybody! Me, myself and I (with a few close friends for moral support.) With a competant scubadiver. Anyone who's read the rules Only those with perfect taste Whoever I can get – who fits "why" criteria, of course, I'm not ready. Mr Right (sexist bitch!) I am bound by policy to conceal the names of my clients. Banzai runners Some tall dark Hangsome ... as well as *Sean* Anybody else? It's a pity John Holmes is Dead Elwyn KLH Mr Boyd, my year 9 math teacher... no.. that was just a fantasy... What about the real Boyd? Ready when U are... Read the price tag Do you imply someone is not to define some is isn't this discrimination on a cosmic scale? Me, who else? Anyone female & <26 & >12 Any male who resembles Timothy Dalton & Roger Moore all at once 007 I'm licenced to... Who... Doctor Who. Do you need anyone else? Whoever needs it. Grant & Tracy that's who!! Anarkello teenage mutant ninja turtle Any Virgin (they're hard to find)
Why are you here (& do you know where here is)?
I want to know why everyone is wearing price tags. It depends upon you definition of is here here or is here there or is here everywhere? Because the people at No. 14 said "Acb doesn't live here, he hasn't arrived yet, and we're not throwing a party!" It's all a big mistake, I plead guilty, no, I plead insanity. Well, truth is, I didn't have much say in the matter... you see, about 20 yrs ago these two people got together, like, and... Because Acb invited me Part 2 – here is where everything else is not & I know it because I am not where everything else is therefore I must be here. I know therefore it is here. Part 1 – I am here because I am not anywhere else Booze – (It's in the bath) Sex Aid! (Your guess is as good as mine) Isn't this the Heart of Gold, and who's that person with two heads? Zaphod Beeblebrox or am I out of focus. (No, He is just a Story) Sensei Splinter commands it
What do you have to confess?
I masturbate (that's typical) I eat bananas (& suck them) I love men!! Me too Oh! Everything, But can you get it out of me? Two emus, a dog and a small army... Life, Don't talk to me about life My Innocence You're not my priest Two budgies, a rat, and a priest. I was the emu! I plead the fifth. Nothing. Why? How long do you have to listen? I am still virgin (sob!!) (I'd believe anything) Gross decency Why should I confess when all those people before had such fascinating things to say... All of the above. heh heh heh... I drew on the lounge room wall (even though it doesn't have a lounge in it) Nothing – confession is voluntary!
Why is everyone wearing a price tag?
Life is cheap! Why not? To prove we're not all cheap! Ted Hughes is a bad poet! He called Sylvia plath 'Cos everybody has a price – the problem is 1) Can you discover it, 2) Can you afford it!!? Life, Don't talk to me about life! I want a discount You got it!! Life is funny like that. I'm priceless How about you? Power Advertising – So everyone know who I am, what I am and whether they can afford IT. Cos Carol said to who would cross her, eh? The same reason helicopters aren't always brown. Someone thought we were worth something Cadavar Identification (severe Inflation?) So we can over-rate ourselves with inflated prices Everyone gets to name their own price Because this is a nice party! Everyone!! I can only answer for myself do you want to know why I am wearing a price tag? Pay the price and find out. I don't know To see who is a capitalist PIG Kenton thus sez