I've been collecting quotes for years – some of them naff, some of them controversial, some of them by me.

You'll find a lot of quotes in issues of SUDS (elsewhere in this website). But here are some others...



English language is like London. Everytime we speak it is a mongrel mouthful whether we know it or not. Of Chaucer and Milton, and Dryden, and Pope, Shakespeare, and Dickens, and American South Central, and ghetto rap, and Chicago, and Australian convict talk, and legal, and naval, and military. Every phrase we utter is an equivalent of London. It's both vulgar and processional. It's both grand and squalid. And that is exactly what human beings are, it seems to me. Both animal and noble.
– Stephen Fry




The only thing the internet has taught us is how to masturbate sitting up.
– Nick Fryer




When you finally find love, it generally comes in two forms: the first makes you cry a lot but feel incredibly alive; the second makes you laugh a lot and feel incredibly relaxed.
– Guy Browning




Clear writers assume, with pessimism born of experience, that whatever isn't plainly stated the reader will invariably misconstrue.
– John R. Trimble




Advertising may be the only business in the world where the clients with the most money can make demands until they get the agency's worst product, while the small client with little to spend must meekly accept the agency's best.
– Thomas D Murray




This is a scientific poll. These are not just any old five hundred and forty-nine people. They are, by scientific measurement, the five hundred and forty-nine most stupid people in America who can still answer a telephone. We in the news media get all our major facts from them.
– Dave Barry




A huge open space where no unwelcome news is ever wafted onto the pages of the worst newspapers in the world.
– Germaine Greer (talking about Australia)




I've been there, it was closed. – (in reference to New Zealand)



Once we had wisdom, then we settled for knowledge, now it's mostly information. As the Koran says 'like a donkey loaded with books'.



Freedom of speech does not mean on can shout 'FIRE' in a crowded theatre.



If you lie in a field,
and fall asleep,
you will be found in a field,
asleep.
– Chinese Proverb